recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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