I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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