He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Houston, we have a blender
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
