i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
