so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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