walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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