so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
