Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
