i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
