Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
