I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
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I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
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Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
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