in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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