We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
