Define "chronic" masturbator.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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