He asked me if I "almost moaned"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
