and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
