Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
