I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
