There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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