home. puking in laundry basket.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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