I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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