Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Randomize
