i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
