Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
