Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
this boner is exhausting
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
