There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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