Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
