You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
These tits shall not be calmed
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
