I think i peed on brittanys purse
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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