I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
