I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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