At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
