I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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