Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
