all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I can't turn off my feet"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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