I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize