help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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