My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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