I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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