We named our party play list daddy issues
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
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I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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