I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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