I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
too bad you live with your parents still
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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