Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
