Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
