Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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