Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
