Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
