I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
