So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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