i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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