I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize