That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
