Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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