After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
