we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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