Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
