I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
