The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
