idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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