Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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