if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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