i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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