i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm at about main and main street
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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