So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
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my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
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Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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