next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
