ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize