those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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