Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Acid is not a monday night drug
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
