yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
