A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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