we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
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i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
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