I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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