Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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