I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
