no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
