Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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