i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
