I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
