he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
