hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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