you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
